Day 16:

Trying to become the main character without losing my mind.

I keep waiting for it to get easier.

For the routines to click.
For the rhythms to rise up and carry me.
For that elusive moment when it all stops feeling like resistance.

But today? I scraped the bottom.

I still got up. Walked. Made my healthy breakfast. Journaled two lines, just enough to keep the thread alive. I even got dressed—then immediately pulled my cozy robe over the top like my body was begging for softness before the day even started.

And maybe it was.
Maybe I was, too.

Nothing says ‘girlboss’ like putting your robe on over your actual outfit.

There was something restless in me. So I rearranged the living room—moved chairs, shifted angles, swapped textures—searching for a spark of creativity to wake something up inside. HGTV should give me a pilot called Rearranging Furniture for No Reason. But even after all that, I still wasn’t settled.

So I opened Minecraft. Minecraft: because sometimes fake castles feel more achievable than real goals. Set a timer for one hour and gave myself permission to disappear into a world I could control. I didn’t last long. Twenty minutes in, I logged off. Ate lunch. Made tea. Healthy lunch? Check. Cozy YouTube castle tour? Check. Still spiraling? Double check. Started a cozy castle YouTube video. Tried to make my life look beautiful—because sometimes the outside has to lead when the inside can’t find its footing. Made my life look beautiful on the outside—meanwhile my insides were staging a full-blown mutiny.

And somewhere in that curated quiet… it got just a fraction better.

Enough to move toward my work.
Enough to write even when the part of me that wants to give up was loudest.

But it does matter.
Even if I’m buried under my robe.
Even if I’m crying and tired and crawling.

I have to keep moving. Consistency still feels like chewing cardboard, but apparently that’s the secret sauce.

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And then… a cat showed up.

Josh texted me a post from our neighborhood app. A black cat, found nearby, microchipped but unclaimed. The universe has a weird way of answering quiet longings. Of course the universe sent me a stray black cat. Subtlety has never been her strong suit. And suddenly, the afternoon turned toward welcoming a new shadow into our home.

We named her Lux.

Now I have two black cats: Shadow and Lux.
Dark and light. Soft and bright.
Two reminders that duality doesn’t mean division. It means depth. Two black cats = instant witch aesthetic. Do I get extra powers now or just more fur on the couch?

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Today didn’t feel like a win.

But it didn’t end in quitting.
It ended with a tiny shift. A small softness.
A black cat curled into a velvet chair.

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