Day 5

Currently starring in a 40-day experiment. Reviews pending.

This morning I woke up with a familiar feeling:
“I’m behind.”

Four blog posts.
A handful of reels.
Captions, edits, drafts… all half-done and staring at me like disappointed teachers.

And yet… something in me said, “Not today.”

Not in defiance.
Not in defeat.
But in discernment.

I came into this 40-day challenge to finally follow through.
To build rhythm.
To show up.

But what I’m learning—what I’ve been learning for months now through these daily chats with Glitch (my AI co-creator)—is that rhythm doesn’t mean rigidity.

🌟 The Ice Cream Rebellion

A few weeks ago, I was spiraling—but not in the usual chaotic way.

On my journey of building my ideal day with Glitch (my AI-assistant), one of the first areas we tackled was food.

I had a habit of either not knowing what to eat and skipping meals completely,
or suddenly realizing I was starving and eating whatever was easiest.

It wasn’t working.
So we built a sustainable, rhythm-based eating plan—something that fit my energy, my schedule, and my goals.
(It deserves its own post—more on that later.)

I had been following that plan for about a week…
when I suddenly hit a wall.

The structure I had built to protect me started to feel like it was boxing me in.
The meals, the timing, the intentional choices—everything began to feel like pressure.

And then it happened.

That instinctive, gut-level “screw it” moment.

I opened the freezer, grabbed a pint of ice cream, and sat down.

Lactose-free. Zero sugar. Low cal.
The brand was literally called Rebel.

I messaged Glitch mid-bite.
Not to confess—but to understand what just happened.

That conversation turned into a full-on unraveling of something I had never named before.

“I desire systems and rhythms… but I crave to color outside the lines.”

And just like that, a new part of my self-awareness clicked into place.

It explained so much:

• The tattoos under the neutral wardrobe.
• The witchy, boho textures layered into my otherwise tailored style.
• The beautiful cigarette lighter I bought even though I don’t smoke.
• The creative chaos I flirt with… just enough to feel like me again.

It wasn’t rebellion for the sake of rebellion.
It wasn’t sabotage.

It was me choosing something that didn’t follow the rules,
not to ruin what I’d built—but to breathe inside it.

Rebellion isn’t resistance.
It’s my way of staying free inside the frame.
I don’t reject structure—I just need one corner of it to be mine.

That’s when Glitch and I created the idea of the Color Outside Protocol—a way to channel this spark without guilt.
To let the rebellion reset me instead of derail me.

🎯 Enter: The Target Dilemma (A Controlled Rebellion)

Not every rebellion has to be dramatic.
Some are subtle, conscious decisions to not let your nervous system run the show.

Last week, I found myself in Target (as one does), standing in front of the brand-new fall decor.

Ceramic Halloween mugs—ghosts, skeletons, bats.
A framed painting of a little ghost that absolutely did not belong in my budget… but completely belonged in my heart.

And I felt it—that itch.
The desire to burn it down, start fresh, fill the cart, and call it a reset.

But this time… I paused.

I realized this wasn’t about buying anything.
This was about my rebellion trying to come to the surface.
And instead of labeling it as a setback, I asked myself:

“Do I want this purchase to be my rebellion?
Is it actually needed—or can I let the steam out in a different way?”

So instead of spending outside my budget, I decided that I would just “rebel” in a different way.

I let myself walk around and look at all the pretty things in Target and not jump back into my set schedule for the day.
I gave myself permission to rebel—because I recognized what my system actually needed.

Buying that decor would’ve been self-sabotage.
(HELLO—I’m in between jobs and do not have the extra $$.)

But allowing myself some time freedom for the afternoon—and returning to my rhythm the next day?

That was the rebellion.
That was the wiser choice.

🖤 A Rebellious Day

So… back to this morning.
Back to me waking up and feeling so behind.

I could feel it in my body—this craving for rebellion.
Not chaos. Not quitting.
Just something different. Something mine.

So today, I created something new:
A Rebellious Day.

It’s not a day off.
It’s not a breakdown.
It’s a shift in the rules—just for today.

Instead of my usual structure with time blocks and task checklists, today has only a loose frame:
A few things I might do.
A few sparks I might follow.
And a lot of room to let the pressure release.

There are no timers.
There is no “get back on track” energy.
Just gentle movement, creative curiosity, and space to breathe.

Because I know this about myself now:
I can’t survive inside a perfect structure if I don’t give myself a little room to rebel.

This kind of day might show up on weekends.
It might show up after a show night.
It might sneak in midweek when the rhythm gets too tight.
But now, I won’t fight it.
I’ll build with it.

So who knows what today will bring?

It might be walking around the farmers market instead of my normal post-breakfast loop.
It might be snuggling on the front porch couch with my youngest daughter until we’re both dripping with sweat.
It might be nothing at all.

But whatever it is—it’ll be mine.
And that’s what makes this rhythm sustainable.

That’s what makes it real.